Broken Plans, Broken Promises

Broken plans can be just as bad as broken promises. Plans imply a promise. You never know how badly it can hurt to break them. It's usually worse if the person means more to you. If you don't think you can keep a plan, don't make it. Once a plan is set, then the person who the plans were made with will start to think about all the possible things that can happen during that time. They start to hope for certain things and certain situations, but if they never even have a chance to happen, then it's crushing. Please plan with care.

Talk Ain't Cheap

Communication is always key. Life cannot function correctly without proper communication. Whether that means someone saying something clearly, or even down to the level of molecules correctly communicating to form a living being, without it, the world wouldn't exist. With that in mind, I am curious as to how we've lost said communication along the way. Why is it that everyone assumes what they are saying is clear? There's confusion, but there's also those times that people speak without thinking. When something just flies out of someone's mouth, there is rarely a positive reaction. All I think of is thinking. It's a simple process to think about something before saying it. I've personally seen this action change the relationships of quite a few friends. If one says what they think all the time, imagine how outrageous the world would be and how angry people would be all the time. Just communicate properly and there's no issue. Be mindful. Although there are times when there will be topics that even delicate statements cause the worst reaction, but at least the statements were delicate and not malicious. A world without malice would definitely be an anomaly, but it definitely would make life a little easier. No one ever knows how much another person is going through, no matter our own trials, so communicate that you're there, and that may make their day. Go out, communicate, and make someone's day!

Share a Smile

Make your own miracles. That's something that's heard often, but rarely ever acted on. So many people don't realize how simple it is, so they never try. Let someone go ahead of you in line. Share a smile with a stranger. Hold a door open for someone. Such little things that can make a huge difference for someone! You never know when or how you can make someone's day, but I can guarantee you, you get back what you put out in the world. If all you are is angry or frustrated going around other people, you won't have enough of an open mind to see the good that's going on around you too. On the other hand, if you go out with the intention of having the best day possible and sharing that amazing bliss, then it's going to be hard to notice if anything goes wrong. It's way more simple than most people think. Like I said before, something as simple as holding a door, smiling, or letting someone ahead of you can make a world of difference. Try it and see how you feel.

Less 'Self'

I don't understand how people can be so selfish. In this day and age when people have more than what they need and some have more than what they even want, I see no reason to give back. Some people have an innate ability to do such completely selfless acts, while others have glimpses of selflessness. Being someone raised in the Church and someone raised by a person who worked in the church, being selfish is such an utterly foreign concept to me. If someone is starving, you buy them food and have a meal with them so they know they are not alone. If someone is cold, you give them a jacket or a blanket and help them find a safe place to stay. There is no judgement there, only kindness. There are people who respond to the hungry or to the cold with simple remarks such as "Get a job," or even "Stop begging/asking for handouts." I just can't comprehend it. No one should ever be looked down upon. No one is more important that any one other living being on this planet. We are all here for a reason, whether that be logical or philosophical, there is a reason behind it. No one has the status to look down on anyone. As Abraham Lincoln was rumored to have once said, "No man stands as tall, as when he stoops to help a child."

Disoriented Hope

Puget Sound, Washington

Being along is easy when you have loved ones surrounding you. When you're the only one there and no one you love is around, no family, only transient friends, you get lonely even in a crowded room. There's a sense of total longing for that unconditional love.

My mom is my life. I've taken care of her since I was 15 or 16. She was diagnosed with lupus back in about 2009 and I've been by her side ever since. It's hard to do that from 1,097 miles away. All that's left are random phone calls and text messages. I'm grieving a living person whom I can still talk to, but it's grief nevertheless. Everyday was a potential adventure to some random spot on a map, or a new movie we'd never seen, or a game night, or even just us sitting at home and doing nothing, but every day was she and I. Now, I am alone and so is she.

Every day my heart aches to know how she is and it searches for any way I can make it better for her. Right now, with no job, no money, and no way to do so, I am lost. She was my purpose in life. So many times that I've contemplated how horrible I felt my life was from whatever past horrors I faced, she saved my life without even knowing that she did. I know she can't live without me and I without her. Without caring for my mother, I've lost my purpose. Floundering without purpose is the worst thing for someone who longs for a reason, reason for any and everything.

Emotions are rarely shared in my extremely private family. The only outlet I've found is music and writing. Lately I haven't even wanted to do that. Accidentally, I rediscovered this blog and I somehow unknowingly put on Christian music while writing this now. I am by no means a "church person," but sometimes it just makes sense. There is hope in that music, even though I feel completely and utterly disoriented on my own. It makes me realize that I'm probably not the only person listening to this song right now. I'm not the only one who has no clue what they're doing but is trying to push through until the next day. Life is hard, leaving every family member you have behind to go to a completely foreign place is even harder. I'll push through, even if it is in time.

Don't get me wrong, I miss all of my family. My sister and I fighting or laughing or just joking with each other was normal. My dad and I doing the same as me and my sister, but his advice that he would give me was always so sound. Every holiday going to numerous different houses for each celebration with each family grouping was scheduled perfectly by my parents every year (especially Christmas). I don't have any of that any more and probably never will have that again until I have a family of my own. Living without them, on my own in a completely different state, makes me realize that even though I refer to my family in the past tense, they are still there somewhere. I love and miss them, but that can help drive me through the rest of the day. No longer am I just trying to better myself to avoid being grounded as a kid, but I'm bettering myself to keep my feet on the ground. Over time I have used nearly everything my parents have taught me and I could never thank them enough for it. They helped make me who I am today and, in my own humble opinion, they did a damn good job. I love you guys.